Year: 1986
Duration: 01:36:18
Directed by: Donald G. Jackson
Actors: Suzanne Solari, Jeff Hutchinson and Shaun Michelle
Language: English
Country: USA
Also known as:
Description: The distant future. The era of darkness. Desolate land. Through Los Angeles can only move on roller skates – otherwise you will get into the hands of cronies of Doctors Satikoya – Samurai, Umnikov or Thorns. They want to “save the world from eternal good.” To fight with them can only women warriors, united in mystical order. In its struggle for the revival of the Holy Land rollershi use Power Crystal – a legacy of the past centuries. But Dr. Sachiko kidnaps Crystal. Amazons ready to give their lives for the return of the mysterious energy source.
Review: Holy rollers! You can’t say photographer-director Donald G. Jackson isn’t consistent. The bad acting he allowed in ROLLER BLADE is permitted in this new adventure on skates set in a post-holocaust world where Mother Speed (Abby Dalton) reigns over women warriors (“Go forth,” she proclaims, “and skate the paths of righteousness.”) This time the wheeled wenches are protecting a psychic virgin from falling into the hands of evil-doers who feed beautiful women to a monster in an energy plant. Little sense is to be made from Lloyd Strathen’s script (from a Jackson idea), what with tongue-in-cheek characters, exaggerated swordplay and sappy dialogue. Example: One woman says “What’s a man like?” and another replies “Like soup on a cold night.” And yet the direction has a strange kinetic energy and sincerity of purpose, suggesting Jackson is a dedicated schlock film-maker. You should see at least one of these things—they defy description. Kathleen Kinmont (Phoenix the Warrior), Jack Damon, Elizabeth Kaitan (Necromancer), Rory Calhoun (in a cameo), Norman Alder, Suzanne Solari.
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A fairly lame film, but it does have some nice girls. In the 80s, this was a lot more significant than it is now… you can find more female flesh on the Maxim website.
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I’d like to report that the review for this film is for the movie Roller Blade Warriors and not Roller Blade. Roller Blade starts out with some nutty looking nuns who skate around on roller blades trying to pretty much protect the innocent and their way of life. However, since this is post-apocalypse, theres alot of mad max baddies out there and they pretty much want to rape and kill any roller blade nun they can get their hands on. The movie’s acting is horrible to watch but the hot women make up for it.
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If you see a babe on roller blades she looks sexier than the same individual would look wearing the same dresses when she was merely strolling.
why?
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Nuns.
On Skates.
With Mystic Switchblades.
In what-used-to-be-LA.
And, yea, back-in-the-day when this came out on VHS, we rented it out so much they had to replace a couple of copies. Donald G. Jackson was on the semi-verge of Something Big for New World (his NEXT film, HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN, cemented it). ROLLERBLADE has it’s own funky charm (I mean, futuristic nuns on skates–AMEN!). And, after close to 30 years, I STILL love it. Only thing that comes close to the Original ROLLERBLADE nowadays would be a decent semi-hentai anime. If you EVER wanted to be a fan of B-Movies, this made-for-VHS classic will get you started. YEA!